my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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