Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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