Sry I called you an 8
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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