Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
