She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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