I heard we made out
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
