I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
