I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're too hungover to prance.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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