you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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