I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
