i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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