I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You smell like stripper and shame
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
