I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
