I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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