i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
