It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
