How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
