i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
last night I used snow as a chaser
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