More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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