I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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