So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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