I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
