I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
