I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
