Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
