): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize