My liver just broke up with me...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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