He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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