i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
