wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
