my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
