I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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