Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
