Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
