k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
