Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
