All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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