Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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