He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
