U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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