if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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