these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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