we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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