Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
