we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
