I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
