They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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