so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
