I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
