I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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