Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
