I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
