I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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