Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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