I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
