I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
