He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
