gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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